- Specific Detail
- From the beginning in paragraph 1, The setting set up was well done. I could definitely imagine a young girl being in the company of 4 generational elders.
- Paragraph 2: Gives slight details into the speaker’s own life at the time as the speech transitions into her life as a part of a family. (Maybe add what you were doing right before you came in, that way the audience can distinguish what you were into as a child personally before engaging with the family version of yourself”
- Paragraph 3: This shines light on the importance that Great Grandma had in mind when sharing “how to-do” information with you. On its own you can tell that this was done from a place of care and love.
- Paragraph 4: Is EXTREMELY DETAILED! From the smell of pork fat, the need to “get under the skin” for cleaning & the garlic & vinegar tickling the nose. EXCELLENT sensory description, I feel like I was there!
- Paragraph 5: Is a neat addition that shows the family dynamics & the order of reverence shown to one another within the group.
- Paragraph 6: Another great paragraph, giving details of the actual food prep where one can visualize the actions taking place.
- Paragraphs 7 & 8: are great scenery placement paragraphs! (possibly switch the order of the 2 for greater sequence?)
- Paragraph 9: Proves to be a nice close, that can leave the audience with a wholesome feeling, possibly invoking memories of their own
- Scene & Summary
- Paragraphs that seem to be mostly scene: 3,4,6,7,9
- Paragraphs that seem to be mostly summary: 1,2,5,8,10
- Main Message
- To me, the main message seems to be: The actual breakdown of Great Grandmother’s talent in the kitchen & the subtle yet important sharing of technique. [ Makes me want to cook 🙂 ]
- The description of the scenes & summary leads me to believe at your adult age that you are also capable of creating awesome renditions of Great grandmothers recipes & hold the teachings dear to you!
- The parts that seem to really emphasize this are: “Grandma, can I clean the chicken?” I would ask. Revealing the whole chicken, she would bake it with the neck and gizzards separated. “Yeah, make sure you get up under the skin,” she would say. “Yes ma’am,” I’d reply. (paragraph 4) as well as After the chicken and greens were done, she would employ me with the job of chopping the greens. Chopping the greens was a workout, chopping and twisting with every pound. “Don’t chop it too fine, baby,” she would say, “we don’t want to make it mushy.” (paragraph 7)
- The lines that grabbed my attention, or really stuck with me were:
Paragraph 4 : Grandma would season the chicken before it went in the oven. Adding the collard greens to the “pot liquor,” as she called the concoction, they would boil for hours on low until they were tender to her liking.” [I Feel like I see this chicken man lol]
4. Structure & Order
- The structure/order of the essay is super solid, well thought out & placed properly, (I feel the swap of paragraphs 7 & 8 would be a great asset)
- I like the personal relationship shared between an elder & child is a sweet remembrance. So often children are expected to stay in a child’s place, but in this memoir great grandma is giving the floor for the child to level up in an adult manner. Almost as if she can physically see the growth in your readiness. BEAUTIFUL visual!
- Pieces in the middle seem to be very hunky in details, not leaving a wonder to the audience. *one may be able to use the details in this memoir to create their very own GG Chicken & Greens (GG= Great Grandma)
5. Overall Review
This memoir is a well thought out crafted read! You can definitely feel the natural nature of the scenes set up for the audience. This memoir shines light on what the author grew up around & the standards (from food to behavior & hierarchy) that were considered the staple for their family. Beautiful job!